Whenever you were ready to give up, I was so quick to try my best and give my all to fix things. & All, I ever got from you was a shot down....You never saw the effort I put in, you looked down on me as if I was no good. Did you ever think about the stuff you did? What if, just what if you were in my shoes would you even be able to handle the pain? The thought of knowing, your trying for someone that clearly doesn’t want to even try for you? How are you going to handle the feeling of being inlove alone? How are you going to feel when someone you love just doesn’t wanna try as hard as you do and all they will ever be good at is walking away and leaving? Tell me how you’d put up with it, cause you make it seem like it’s so easy. Maybe you should give me a helping hand and help me get through this how you would since it’s alll just a piece of cake for you.

I used to walk with my head down thinkin' we would never be together like how we used to be. I'll pray all night to have you in my arms again. Hoping that there's still space in your heart, there for me.

I wrote this awhile ago, but never posted it but it doesn't matter anymore.

First love- So as you all know, this is my boyfriend Logan Hamasaki of 1 year & 6 months ♥ We’ve been through everything, & anything you can imagine in a relationship. Through the smiles & tears, break ups & make ups, meeting eachothers family, spending every waking minute together, EVERYTHING.Most people look at us, as if were the most perfect couple.. Honestly, were not.We fight amost everyday about the small things, disagree a lot, swear at eachother & say things that we dont mean.. But you know what? Ive come to realize that no matter how much times we fight, cuss’ at eachother, & disagree, at the end of the day we’ll always love one another endlessly ♥ I mean, thats what first love is all about right?

Every single time. I tell myself to get over you. To hate you. To not give in. To not give a fuck. To not answer you. Nothing. When you ain’t around & when we don’t talk for ages, I’m strong. Right when you pop back into my life, I’m weak. Seeing your number vibin’ my phone & hearing your voice….I let my walls come down & I just crumple inside. I’m so weak when it comes to you.

I’m so tired of keeping up with us. One minute we’re fine, and the next we aren’t even talking to each other. Maybe this is something we both don’t need in our lives right now. You’re obviously doing your own thing, and I need to continue doing mine.

I've heard it a million times. "You can do better. You deserve so much more." In reality, you're right. But sometimes when you're in love, you love the person for who they are despite what they've done wrong to you. That's what love does to you. It's not about who you deserve, it's about who you want, who you need, and who you love.

I hate how you put me in this position. You’re constantly putting the blame on me. Like it’s my fault we’re always fighting and arguing over stupid shit but that’s not even the bad part about it, its the fact that I let you do that to me. I allow you to push me around and walk all over me, I feel like you only keep me around to satisfy your needs, it’s almost as if you get pleasure out of doing it. But just wait until that one day when i’m no longer here, and you’ll regret ever taking advantage of me.

Trust me, I know how it feels to be given up on not once , not twice but several of times . You think I’m strong enough to keep myself from falling apart. Well I try to be strong not just for myself but for the both of us . I’ve watched every single person that given my all to , put all my effort into , cared & loved with all my heart repay me by walking away from me as if I didn’t mean anything .

I shoulda known if you weren’t gonna fight for me while we were together, that you weren’t gonna fight to keep us together, or the most fight for me to stay. I never mattered not before not now & never will.

You always have me questioning myself all over. I didn’t expect us being where we are, nobody did. I know that people always put shit in my head that puts me in doubt, but there’s no doubt that I will leave. I believe what I’m putting up with is worth it. Despite everyone’s comments, I will hold onto this as long as I can. In time things will change, for the better or worst, but what I have for you stays unconditional. I never had so much hope in anyone but you. I don’t want to receive back disappointments, so don’t let me down. You’ve got me really settled into this one. Maybe it’s because of our past, maybe it’s because you’ve known me so long and well. Maybe because you’re the last guy I would ever be like this around. I’d hate to see a good thing slip away, I’m not giving up. It’s only me and you, I promise you that.

I guess what hurts the most isn’t that I don’t have you.. It’s that at one point, I did. It’s that I can go to sleep missing you, dream I’m with you, then wake up, and realize once more that I don’t have you. Maybe what hurts the most is not that I’m no longer enough, but that at one point, I was.

Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life

You know what ? I forgot all about my values , I let this guy break me down to the point where I forgot what I deserve , & now a days when I hear " you deserve better " I got myself asking " what's better ? " cause for the last 1 year & 6 months of my life , I thought I already had better .

So hard to let go..

I guess I did get too attached to someone that I can’t even get over the person.. It’s hard, I never really feel like this towards someone unless I lost hella’ feelings for them. But for you, it hasn’t. Its hard. I don’t know what to do. I want to forget about you, but you’re always popping up in my mind out of no where. I wished you didn’t, not trying to be fucked up but I wished you never crossed my mind. It’s hard to think about you &reminisce about the past at the same time.

I just wished I didn’t feel like this about you, I just wished we never met, I just wished I never liked you, I just wished all this wasn’t real. If only it was a dream but it isn’t, its reality. Sigh..

Somehow this reminds me, of me & you "/

I miss having pillow talks. I miss getting goodnight texts/calls. *Sigh.

Truce.

I’m the type to tell you ”You’re right” even when you’re wrong, not ‘cause I can’t win an argument with you but ‘cause it isn’t worth losin’ you over a stupid argument. I’ll just give you the win & by doin’ so, I’ve already won you back by us gettin’ along again.

You know, when you’re in a relationship, some times, you say you’re sorry not ‘cause you’re wrong but ‘cause you value your relationship so much that you would rather take the blame instead of fightin’ over somethin’ stupid.

I wouldn’t want us to be in the same spot & not talk to each other & worse, not even glance at each other to acknowledge that we’re in the same place. I wouldn’t want us to sleep on the same bed, back to back to each other, facing the other way instead of facing each other. I wouldn’t want you to text your other friends, tellin’ them how stubborn, one minded & how much of an asshole I am & have them tell you I’m not the right one for you or you should end it with me or that you deserve better ‘cause deep down, I don’t want to drag out pointless arguments, I just want us to be able to look at each other face to face & see eye to eye.

It Ain't Enough.

Relationship wise, a lot of people feel whatever they do for the person they “love” ain’t enough even though it is enough. Then they always end up pushing things way too hard and end up losing the person they “love.”

It’s either you want me or you don’t, I’m tired of you confusing me. One minute were good and the next your asking me for “SPACE” from each-other. I mean I can do that and all but you can’t be always doing that when you feel like it. You can’t just turn me on and off, I’m not a fricken light switch. It’s either we work on this situation that your feeling lately or this just ain’t gonna work out anymore because I’m tired of trying to solve how your feeling, I’m tired of trying to prove myself to you, I’m tired of just hurting… It never was like this before and this time it’s not me it’s YOU doing all of this mess. Your breaking this relationship not me.. and your just pushing me away. Pretty soon your gonna push me away to the point where I might not even be around anymore…

I cant even begin to explain how I feel, because I highly doubt you even care. Cause, all your ever worried about is you. While Im over here listening to you complain about everything, Im the one whos trying to make things better for us, while you sit there and just keep on going about this and that. I get it, I fucked up . I get it , I made my mistakes. But you did too. We’re both in the same square, we both hurt eachother. But why is Im the only one fixing everything? It all happens that everything is placed into my hands .

Before you leave a girl crying, imagine all the things she's done for you, all the feelings she's had to put aside to keep fighting for you. Think and ask yourself what you're gonna do now.

Lc i'm sorry, i'm sorry for everything I put you through. But hear me out for once okay....I know you love me, I know you do, deep down inside of you still remains that wonderful guy that still loves & cares about me so so much.....Idk why your doing this, when you know you still love me...That's why your flirting/trying to not talk to me to get rid of the pain your in right now. But really that's a real stupid way of getting rid of your pain. It's doesn't hurt to just show your pain/ feelings towards me lc. It's not! I know & you know that we still love each other in our hearts, we know that deep down inside of us were hurting. But your not showing it b/c you don't wanna seem like a pussy boy, but seriously it's not hard to still show that you care about me. I know were mean't to be because if we still can remain as friends then were still either in love or whatnot....& I believe were still in love. Your just scared lc I know you are, i'm scared as much as you. Your scared that if you were to take me back again, everything's just gonna turn out to be the same. But truth be told baby i'm working real hard. My hearts making me trying real hard to make this work.....& i'm not going anywhere lc, i'm not leaving, i'm still gonna be on this island waiting for you, even if that mean's I have to go through A LOT of struggles, pain, hurt. No matter how hard & how far you push me away. Ima fight to push right back ... Cause i care that much, to still TRY for you. I know everything about you lc, I know you inside & out & you know i'm the only one that knows EVERYTHING about you, & your the only one that knows EVERYTHING about me. So tell me why you want someone to know you, the guy I know with my whole life, the guy that has my heart, the ONLY guy I trust w/ my life.....I wouldn't want to go through that phase anymore b/c your the only one I need in my life to actually keep me going. & I know you don't need me in your life b/c you know how to handle things on your own. But in your heart you know you love me enough to not let me be apart or life still. I know why you don't wanna see me, b/c it's gonna make it harder for both of us. When we see each other we just fall right back to it over & over again.....You know why, it's b/c we love each other so so much...... You know lc, I love you. I really do. I know you don't like to cry b/c it takes a lot for you to cry, but don't be scared to not cry. It's actually good/bad for you at the same time. Remember that one time you had a bad dream? A bad dream about me that I ended up w/ davin again & you called me crying and telling me your dream. Damn; that hella made me cry cos' it felt like you were afraid to lose me. & when you told me your dream I told you, don't worry you'll never lose me never. Now look at where were at right now T___T Now i'm the one having the bad/good dreams about you, & your not here helping me through it ;( I'm crying so much writing this & reading this over & over again. But before I go; Please take this to heart, I wrote this w/ my heart.... & I really really hope you reply back to this. I'm so sorry this is so long. But I love you that's why. & oh herehttp://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc4/hs1154.snc4/149624_183672571648512_100000173127695_692262_1891208_n.jpgwe both love & miss our daddy. Where both so happy that your still here in out lives. The two girls that well dearly will love you for the rest of out lifes. We really miss & love you daddy. & we love you w/ our hearts.....Were both not giving up on you cos' we literally still love you w/ our hearts. Please reply back. We love you ♥ Bye T_____T

I don't know, I mean, I want to be his friend. But then again, I don't. You know? I mean how can you simply be friends with someone when every time you look at them you're thinking about how much more you really want.

I didn't grow that amazing feeling for you just to let it go for nothing. I'm fighting for you. Wether you like it, or not.

Hmph.

Right here, Right now.

It hurts. It hurts a lot. Now matter how many times you go through heartbreak, it hurts the same every time. But with you, it hurt a lot more. I trusted you, I trusted you with my heart, my secrets, my everything. I told you my strengths, my weaknesses, my pain, my happiness; everything. After being hurt so many times in my life, I finally fully opened up to someone & I was happy about it. I was happy that I finally found someone who I could trust & would understand me but most of all, accept me. I gave you my all, more than I ever did before & I just feel disappointed that things are the way they are right now. You may not understand but it took a lot for me to put myself out there, I knew what I was risking but I did it all for you. I love you, & that’s what you do when you love someone, you fight till’ the very end, you risk it all, you do crazy out of this world things for love. That’s exactly what I did… But it wasn’t enough. I wish you could see, I would do anything for you to see.

Im painfully aware, that there are other girls killing for my spot. I know that as soon as you give up on me , there will be a girl so quick to jump into your arms. I just know it. It’s not that I dont trust you, it’s more like I dont trust the girls around you. Let alone, I dont wanna see everything fall apart before my eyes. I wanna know that your still going to be mine. Im sure your ex-girlfriends, didnt expect for your relationship with them to fall apart but it did. I just dont want that to happen to me. I havent been so scared to loose a relationship. I know I shouldn’t trip about whats ahead of us, but like Ive said before we both have the power to make and break this relationship. I’m not ready for you to walk outta my life, a day , a week, a month , a year , from now. . . &Im refuse to watch another girl take my spot.

From your tumblr D;

i'll be your everything - daniel d

I didnt give up on you then, I didnt give up on you when times got tough, I didnt give up on you even when you made things difficult. I didnt give up on you even when I felt like I had all the reasons to . If I didnt give up before, it only goes to show I aint giving up now.

Having that special someone to call my boyfriend. I know there were other guys I called my boyfriend. It kinda feels weird giving you that title now huh? Since, you know that someone else held it before you? Well, let me tell you something about you that no other could ever compare to. You know me from start to finish and you make me feel as if there is no limit for you & I .

Sometimes, I ask myself if you even love me now a days even after how many times I let you down and disappointed you . The older I get, the more our relationship just starts to fade. The way you were to me before, is totally disappearing. I miss you, I miss having you to lean on . Now a days, Im too scared to even lean on you in the worse situations. Im sorry -__-

See, what you guys dont know is I cant leave him cause I love him. I dont make things easy, I know it gets hard sometimes. But Im not ashamed to say he hurts me. And I continue to still try to make things work. The smallest things, hurt me. And the things you do to me, I cant let go or forget as quick. But over time, I’ll get through it.

“I ain’t never had nobody show me all the things that you goin’ show me in the special way I feel when you hold me. We goin’ always be together, baby that’s what you told and I believed it cause I ain’t never had nobody do me like you.”

As time kept going, I noticed I started catching on feelings. I just wanted to run away, cause the situations from the past love never really lasted. But you helped me realized to show me things I never really got the time to see. We can fight, and we can make up &you’ll still be down to show me what love is really about. I used to be the type of girl that watched movies and wished that it was happening to me. But I had to let go of the pain from the past, inorder to get where I wanna be . It was worth all the struggles.

I think about all the problems we had, everything we had to go through. The fights and the arguments, the break ups and the tears, the lies and the let downs. But I look at us now, and all that pain we had to endure was worth it.

I'm never ever fuckn good enough for you, never good enough for your mom, never good enough for your friends. You don't even know how it's feels deep down inside of me that it hurts. I wanna be apart of your life, meaning I want to be apart of your friends, apart of your family. You don't even know how much I always feel so left out, I wanna be there w/ your friends to party with, to get along with, to have fun with. Like you do with my friends. You have it ALL, you have EVERYTHING that I want! Everythings so fuckn easy for you, cos you got it all. You got my family, you got my friends. You got everything. & you don't even know how bad that makes me feel cos' I can never have it like you, NEVER! It's been this way for to long, and having to find out your friends don't like me put's even more weight on my shoulders. There's only so much I can take lc. Sometimes I break down & cry cos I can't handle all this bottling up with me everySINGLEFUCKNday ...... Sorry I ain't Mrs. Right, sorry i'm not the sweetest girl, sorry I can't be the girl you want me to be, sorry I have that 'IDGAF' attitude, sorry if I can't even be good enough for you. But told be told; No ones perfect, NO ONE ! & I don't plan on being perfect, everyone has there faults, has mistakes. EVERYONE !!!!!!!!! Haw! I Hate this.

This guy right there, yeah him, I love him with my whole heart but idk if he knows it anymore, but I do. Things aren't the same anymore, things aren't like how they used to be. & I have to admit I miss the old you. I do. I don't even know what to say anymore, I don't know what to do anymore. I have so much to say about you, but I just can't put it into words anymore, 'cos when I do it just seems like you don't care anymore & i'm tired of wasting my breathe trying to express my feelings towards you when I always get that "WHATEVER" reply. It hurt's, yes it does, but I won't give up till you realize what your putting me through......But i'll just let you know that it's always been you, & I hope one day we can go back to what we use to be. I'll always love you, I'll always will. I'll be here waiting for you, not giving up you, not giving up on US. I love you.

I really don't know what's been going on with me lately. Lately I haven't been myself & I don't even know what the problem is I really don't, & atm I can't help but cry. God please answer my prayers & tell me what's up with me lately ;(

SIGH!

You’re the most special person in my life and I can’t let that go. I’m never gonna give up on you, I promise.

I hate feeling this way, feeling so hurt, feeling like shit. Everything bottled up in me -____- there's only so much I can take. I've been holding these tears for awhile now, & at this moment I can't help but cry. I just had to let it out, release the tears that's been bottled up in me. I don't even know what to think right now, I just feel like shit. I feel so weak, YOU make me weak & at the same time your my strength to lift me back up on my toes, to keep me standing & not falling all over again. But I can't help but fall, I can't help but fall so deep to ground knowing this could be the end of US. I hate it I do. But shit happens, life is a bitch sometimes. Well to me at least, I just wish we can make this work between us two. I don't want someone so good to up & leave me. It's been 1 year & half, there's no way i'm letting that go to waste ever. I just hope you'd want us to work out, to not give up on us. It would give me so much strength knowing you wouldn't want this to end. Haw !

I love you Logan-Chandler, always. MY FIRST TRUE LOVE.

I just wish I could be apart of your family on your mom's side, your mom means so much to you. & it would be nice to be apart of your family only because I know there important to you. But it's tough knowing that she think's i'm a bad influence for you, knowing she calls me a bitch when she doesn't even know me at all, or didn't even take the time to even get to know me. This is hard, & i'm beginning to not handle it. I've been handling it for far to long now & i'm slowing giving up, only because it's hurting me that you can't or isn't doing anything about it. SIGH*

That night when you were out with your boys, was just another night were I had a lot on my mind. I went far back to our memories & I miss those memories when we were just friends. Having those long late night talks about anything & everything, it was never boring there was always something to talk about, you were such a sweet boy back then. Every conversation begun with a smile & it ended with big ass smiles . I had those never ending butterflies that killed my stomach cause I couldn’t handle it. I would always smile when I heard my phone ringing & it's you that's calling. Haww oh how I miss it, that night all I could do was cry only because now days we barley talk on the phone it's not like before, we don't even talk for hours & hours like before. Now days its either 10 mins or 30 mins. I didn't even know what to think at that moment. But things change, & you USED to be the sweetest boy I knew, now days idk. I miss it. -___-

I don't know why these type of things keep happening to me. Every time I take steps ahead, something knocks me down & it's so hard to get back up when your heart is so weak...

As much as I dont wanna live without you , I dont wanna get my hopes up cause what if in the future your walking out the door.....Im too stubborn honestly when it comes to relationships. I feel numb whenever something goes wrong, like a part of me wants to try &fight but the other part of me just wants to give up & walk away saying ” life moves on fuck it ” It sucks when your caught up in the middle of ” trying &walking away ” right. Well , I always find myself in that situaiton only cause I dont wanna be hurt, I refuse to let anyone hurt me. I try to show you emotions, but when I feel like it’s too much I go back to where I started. I try to give you the best of me, but when I feel like Im abouta get hurt Im quick to jump up. It’s not you that has the problem, its not you that I have a problem with. This, I will take full responsibility for cause it’s me that has the issue. My heart & my mind, arent bestfriends they dont always agree on the same things. &I apologize for that. I know I make things hard, but if Im going to be with someone I wanna atleast know that even through the hard times he’s going to be there cause if your the one walkin out when things get tough then you’ll prove to me that this is the reason why I am the way I am.

^___^

When we first met, I didn’t want to get involved with anyone. I didn’t have the time or energy, and I wasn’t sure that I was ready for it. But you were so good to me, and I got swept up in that. And little by little, I found myself falling in love with you.

Nicholas Sparks

I don’t give up easily. In fact, I never give up. But there’s only so much I can do and there’s only so much weight I can carry all by myself. When it comes to a relationship, any relationship, friendship, etc., if you don’t help me to carry that relationship, it’ll fall. I can’t do everything by myself. When a relationship fails, it’s not a coincidence or for no reason, it’s because one person gave up; I guess that’s why they say every relationship’s fate lies in the hands of the person who cares less.

I promise you its all gonna be worth it.

I know I’m a handful to handle, and I’m always complaining about this and that, and I’m always getting mad over little things. But one day all these bad habits will go away, and itll be worth it. Putting up with all these bullshit is hard, but I’m trying to cut down on it cause I know if I keep it up forever Imma lose you when you can't put up with me...

From tumblr.

If you just send one text or just call one time and give this whole “fuck this then, I’ma go to sleep” shit, then we’re obviously gonna feel like you’re NOT trying.

I like this.

Think about it, when she’s too much for you.. She just wants the best for you. Because to her YOU’RE the best. If you don’t like something, talk to her about it. You mean so much to her. Don’t just give up. Don’t just leave because you want the easy way out. Ya’ Dig?

I will learn my lesson, I will...I'll prove it to you lc ;(

Sometimes, I wish you were there the nights I cry myself to sleep. Because if you saw the way tears roll down my face continuously, maybe it’d make you stop and think, “Damn. What in the hell am I doing to her?”

My BabyGirl ^__^

Beside logan, she keeps me going every single day. I love her so much. Yeah she’s a dog, BUT she means so much to me LITERALLY. She can always I mean always make me happy, make my days better just by seeing her. When i’m having a bad day, i’m there breaking down, crying my eyes out & she’s there licking my tears away to make things feel better. I swear without her, I don’t how i’ll go on with my day. Coming home to her is the best thing ever Her running around the whole damn’ house in excitement seeing me (; She’s such a hyper dog, & such a rascal at times, but I love her. She’s like my own best friend foreals. She has never done me wrong, she’s always that hyper, adorable dog i’ll always love. I love her more than so much people will ever understand. I love you my BabyGirl Evee ♥ (but she loves logan more than me -____-) hahha. But I still love her.

I fucking hate your past, just as much as you hate mine. But Im still dealing with it.

What do you do when the relationship you love is going through hard times, you fight for it. When things aren’t the same anymore, you change them, try at least.

16 Months ♥

Happy 16 Months baby boy I wish you were here tonight so I could just wish you a happy anniversary in front of your face w/ a kiss, that would be so much better. but its okay. I understand you couldn’t sleep over tonight, but it would’ve been so much better waking up in the morning with each other cuddling, & having a big smile on our faces for our anniversary. But its okay baby, but i’m happy we went this far, many more to come. I Love You Logan ♥

Having a hard time sleeping, & all I can think about is you.

Love this.

No one else comes close....

So every night I always have thousands of thoughts going through my head, I mean who doesn't ? I think thats the only time everything gets to you, but I don't know why. Haw! So, like as thoughts was going through my head, I just thought of you(logan) and I started to cry, only because of how you still think I have feelings for him*. I mean baby I honestly don't! You mean so much to me baby, please remember that, I love you so much. I know i'm full of insecurities and disappointments, but I promise you there's a part of me worth keeping baby. I know to you it may same I still care. But I don't. I know I hurted you, and i never knew that was going to happen, but yeeno shit happens. but i can tell you now, i never did ANYTHING and i can bible that you. I made a mistake and it hurted you and my truly sorry for that, i hope you forgive me ;( Baby i would never hurt you again, or at least i'll try not to. I love you so much to ever hurt you again, because i know how it feels to get hurt. Im crying so much writing this. Please believe me that your the only guy i really care about, & no one else. Its only you babe, trust me its you till the end. I love you w/ my heart babe, and i hope you see that i truly love you. If you don't i'll prove to you, as i always do everyday. I hope its enough for you to see, i don't want to lose someone as special as you babe, your a dream come true, MY dream come true. Your everything i ever wanted. So please know it's you and no one else babe. No one else comes close .... Your my everything. I love you babe ALWAYS !

Through it all.

We’ve had our fair share of insecurities and trust issues, but in between our weaknesses is where we found some of our greatest strengths. There were even times we had to grow apart before we could grow together. Problems were inevitable, but so was happiness and love. We held steady through the fights and tears to appreciate each other and what we have now. We’ve hit rock bottom many times, but we’ve managed to build ourselves back up. We’re learning to balance the good and the bad and I’ve been blessed with a man who is willing to stick with me through it all.

We started off with nothing.....

We didn’t know anything about each other. Names didn’t count. We never knew what laid inside of us from just looking. We didn’t know not one single thing. Then we ended up with something. That turned into this thing, that turned into everything. It’s ironic how we went from strangers, to friends, to bestfriends, and lovers. We didn’t know we’d fall in love with each other. We didn’t know we’d end up together. We didn’t know we’d have a relationship that grew so much till this day, and is still going. We didn’t think we’d last this long. We didn’t think, that we’d be the ones who would actually make such a big impact on each others lives. But here we are today… and I couldn’t have asked to be with anyone else. I thank God that he blessed me with you.

Miss you.

Nights like this, where I miss you more than ever right now ;( I wish you were here sleeping & cuddling with me with our baby girl evee. We miss you oh so much, I miss sleeping & cuddling with you. Sigh I hope soon you will, wishing big right now. I love you baby ♥

Hate it.

I hate nights like these, ugh i know & i bet you were tired. All you had to do was be straight up w/ me & i'll let you sleep and you won't need to come. Haw i was so excited to have fun w/ you tonight, but i guess it ain't happening :( i'm pretty much sad at this moment. But it's okay i understand your tired & worn out. I just hate when you do this to me, what i mean is that i hate when you fall asleep on me i mean it's okay but then at least tell me you'll be sleep so i wouldn't have to be yelling at the phone & shit you know, plus the phone just shuts off on me making me think wtfuck ?! "He told me to hold on, then the phone shuts off" & my ass ends up calling 50times or more, by then i already know you fell asleep....Haw its okay though baby i forgive you, as always.

I love him, I love him with my whole heart but i swear this nigga can get on my nerves more than anyone else could. He know just which buttons to push to piss me the fuck off lols, but at the end of the day this nigga always got this affect on me to remind myself why i'm with him. I love you GayBoy :D

2faced!

I swear everyone now days are so fucking two faced NO JOKE at all! But this ones hella fucked up, family members being 2 faced is even worse !!! That shit pissed me off two the max, hahahahahaha i swear hearing that from someone made me so upset ! & i believe that person who told me because i love that person & that person wouldn’t lie about something that big. FAMILY should always be FAMILY but you, ha’ a big middle finger up to you seriously! I would never ever do something like that to any of my family member. Thats the most fucked up thing ever. FUCK YOU, ! I cant even look at you the same, cos now your just a straight up 2faced ASSHOLE ! Your dead to me……..I may talk to you, since your family but deep down inside i now fucking know who you truly are. I know we’ll have to forgive one day, and it will be ONE DAY. Not soon tho, it may take months & months or even years. But as of right now, your dead to me FUCK YOU!

You.

I don't even know if i can explain myself....You mean so much to me, more than you will ever know. I swear we've been through hell and back with each other. Its tough love with you. I don't call our relationship crazy because it isn't to other people it maybe because of the way we fight, the way we argue, we say things that we never do mean out of anger, & i honestly hate it, but you know it always happens, i say things that may hurt you and you say things that do hurt me that i do take to heart, i hate that i do take things seriously when you throw tantrums at me. But thats me. I miss the old, i miss how you'd care for me more than anything, how you'd show how much you love me/seeing the way you love me. I miss it, but everything changes...You don't even know how much i miss that guy i use to know, i always look back to our 09' pictures, like the beginning of our relationship. & to see how much i miss that guy i use to know, that guy that use to be so loving & caring. I'm not saying you aren't right now it's just the things you use to do before are the things i miss the most right now. Oh how i wish. Things will never be the same again, unless you try. I love you a lot, the guy your right now is someone i never thought you'd turn out to be, but i do love you, i do. My love never did change about you, because i believe in us way to much. I never in my life doubted this relationship, never did, never will. Now it's just real hard sometimes, now you just don't give of fuck about my feelings, don't give a fuck at all. You love me, i know you do. Because after all these break ups, your still here by my side. & i'm thankful for that. But i hate how i don't see how much you love me anymore, i don't see it. NOTHING ! It's hard to face the fact i could never have that guy i once first knew/met...I wish i could meet you all over again, i miss you logan, the old you. Please come back to me, that guy that loved me more than anything in the world, the one that treat me like a princess that was in love. I need you, i can say i miss the old you a thousand times till i get that guy once again. I miss you. Baby your all i think about 24/7 there's never ever a day your out of my mind, i might sound crazy, but boy oh boy i'm literally in love with you. I can't believe i fell in love with you, i never thought i would but you made me crazy over you....I fall in love with you each and everyday i'm tearing while writing this. I mean only because you mean everything to me, i never want to lose you. We fight, we argue, we scream, we yell, we cry, we say things we don't mean, we tare each other up leaving scars, we throw each other around, we push each other around, we leave each other pain, but in the end we end up falling back together. I guess god knows that no matter what happens between us, the good or bad, we will be together through thick and thin for better and for worst. I would never give up on our love EVER ! & i hope you would never to, that would just break my heart. It really would break my heart. My gosh i love you so much logan your my true love; a lover & a best friend that will be mine forever hopefully. I love how you told me i'm your soul-mate :D makes me so happy. I really want us to last, i don't care what people think about us, it's me and you against the world, people may have doubts in us that we won't last because of the way we treat each other. But that won't change anything in my mind, no one will ever get in between us. I'd kill to be yours forever. Your my life, you have my heart and soul....I LOVE YOU

In love.

I'm in love with my man that keeps me going every single day.

I love you Logan-Chandler Kuhio Oka Hanu A Hiki Mamua Takayuki Hamasaki-Sugioka :D

Hard times.

Starting tomorrow i think we'll have hard times ;( I mean not really but just having you not coming to my house everyday will be hard...Because im so use to seeing you at my house everyday, now the only times you'll be at my house are on weekends but maybe like at least once or twice on weekdays just not EVERYDAY D; It will be hard not seeing you everyday at my house, not you having to see bebby, not you having to see my family, not you having to take naps with me till you have to go home. All that stuff, i know im acting as if it won't even happen anymore its just the fact that i can't even do those thing in your house. I can't have naps with you at your own house, when i go to your house it doesnt feel like home because im not accepted there you know, & it hurts. It hurts the fact that i can't even go in the house knowing your mom knows im there. I just want to feel accepted with your family, well your moms side at least, cos when im with your dads side i feel accepted, i feel like i fit right in, you dont need to hide me from him. But with your mom you have to hide me, she knows about me, but she doesnt like me here and there and i just get so hurt and confused. I just want to feel like family with her, like how your already family in my family.....I wanna feel like you, the comfort feeling were your accepted in my family, and of course you are. & i love that.....I wish i could just walk right into your house and do anything just how you do that when you come into my house. Your not shame to do anything in my house, you dont even get busted by my mom about being in the house, because she loves you as much as she loves me. She accepts you because your the reason why i smile, shes happy because im happy with you. & i want that feeling towards your mom. I want your mom to accept me and be happy for you, because your happy with me......Having a strong relationship with you is good, but having a strong relationship with my family & your family is even better. Thats what you have with my family, and thats what i want to have with your family......But we all go through hard times, & i rather have hard times with you than good times with someone else....So i hope tomorrow will be good since ill be coming to your house almost everyday but just chillin outside in the sun because im not allowed in the house ;(

But i would do anything just for you, i love you logan :D

Missing you...

I miss you terribly right now ;( I wish you were here with me right now, next to me laying side by side cuddling to the fullest :) I wouldn't even be on here if you were here by my side.

Tired.

Im up but im so tired, laying here on my bed waiting for a phone call from my boyfriend. Oh how I miss you at this very moment.

Lc.

What would i ever do without you, you should know that. I ain't nothing without you....Well if i was forced to be without you i guess i'd have to live like that. But honestly, without you theres no.....me

MINES!

"& when i say he's the one, he is the one" Trust me, he may not believe it when i say it, but i do. & when i know what i want, he's the one i want to be my forever.....

Passion- Someone (Musiq Soulchild Cover)

After this song finishes, im going to sleep. I didn't finish one of my other blogs but i sure will finish it up tomorrow. Its pretty long thats why lols.

I'm back :D

I'm back on blogger, i think i'm going to be blogging on this every single day again ! Tumblr still is and will always be my favorite blogging site, but tumblr isn't the same anymore. So i decided to bring my blogspot back to life...There's just some things that i'll blog on here rather than on tumblr. Idk lols thats just me heehe.