“I ain’t never had nobody show me all the things that you goin’ show me in the special way I feel when you hold me. We goin’ always be together, baby that’s what you told and I believed it cause I ain’t never had nobody do me like you.”

As time kept going, I noticed I started catching on feelings. I just wanted to run away, cause the situations from the past love never really lasted. But you helped me realized to show me things I never really got the time to see. We can fight, and we can make up &you’ll still be down to show me what love is really about. I used to be the type of girl that watched movies and wished that it was happening to me. But I had to let go of the pain from the past, inorder to get where I wanna be . It was worth all the struggles.

I think about all the problems we had, everything we had to go through. The fights and the arguments, the break ups and the tears, the lies and the let downs. But I look at us now, and all that pain we had to endure was worth it.

I'm never ever fuckn good enough for you, never good enough for your mom, never good enough for your friends. You don't even know how it's feels deep down inside of me that it hurts. I wanna be apart of your life, meaning I want to be apart of your friends, apart of your family. You don't even know how much I always feel so left out, I wanna be there w/ your friends to party with, to get along with, to have fun with. Like you do with my friends. You have it ALL, you have EVERYTHING that I want! Everythings so fuckn easy for you, cos you got it all. You got my family, you got my friends. You got everything. & you don't even know how bad that makes me feel cos' I can never have it like you, NEVER! It's been this way for to long, and having to find out your friends don't like me put's even more weight on my shoulders. There's only so much I can take lc. Sometimes I break down & cry cos I can't handle all this bottling up with me everySINGLEFUCKNday ...... Sorry I ain't Mrs. Right, sorry i'm not the sweetest girl, sorry I can't be the girl you want me to be, sorry I have that 'IDGAF' attitude, sorry if I can't even be good enough for you. But told be told; No ones perfect, NO ONE ! & I don't plan on being perfect, everyone has there faults, has mistakes. EVERYONE !!!!!!!!! Haw! I Hate this.

This guy right there, yeah him, I love him with my whole heart but idk if he knows it anymore, but I do. Things aren't the same anymore, things aren't like how they used to be. & I have to admit I miss the old you. I do. I don't even know what to say anymore, I don't know what to do anymore. I have so much to say about you, but I just can't put it into words anymore, 'cos when I do it just seems like you don't care anymore & i'm tired of wasting my breathe trying to express my feelings towards you when I always get that "WHATEVER" reply. It hurt's, yes it does, but I won't give up till you realize what your putting me through......But i'll just let you know that it's always been you, & I hope one day we can go back to what we use to be. I'll always love you, I'll always will. I'll be here waiting for you, not giving up you, not giving up on US. I love you.

I really don't know what's been going on with me lately. Lately I haven't been myself & I don't even know what the problem is I really don't, & atm I can't help but cry. God please answer my prayers & tell me what's up with me lately ;(

SIGH!

You’re the most special person in my life and I can’t let that go. I’m never gonna give up on you, I promise.

I hate feeling this way, feeling so hurt, feeling like shit. Everything bottled up in me -____- there's only so much I can take. I've been holding these tears for awhile now, & at this moment I can't help but cry. I just had to let it out, release the tears that's been bottled up in me. I don't even know what to think right now, I just feel like shit. I feel so weak, YOU make me weak & at the same time your my strength to lift me back up on my toes, to keep me standing & not falling all over again. But I can't help but fall, I can't help but fall so deep to ground knowing this could be the end of US. I hate it I do. But shit happens, life is a bitch sometimes. Well to me at least, I just wish we can make this work between us two. I don't want someone so good to up & leave me. It's been 1 year & half, there's no way i'm letting that go to waste ever. I just hope you'd want us to work out, to not give up on us. It would give me so much strength knowing you wouldn't want this to end. Haw !

I love you Logan-Chandler, always. MY FIRST TRUE LOVE.

I just wish I could be apart of your family on your mom's side, your mom means so much to you. & it would be nice to be apart of your family only because I know there important to you. But it's tough knowing that she think's i'm a bad influence for you, knowing she calls me a bitch when she doesn't even know me at all, or didn't even take the time to even get to know me. This is hard, & i'm beginning to not handle it. I've been handling it for far to long now & i'm slowing giving up, only because it's hurting me that you can't or isn't doing anything about it. SIGH*

That night when you were out with your boys, was just another night were I had a lot on my mind. I went far back to our memories & I miss those memories when we were just friends. Having those long late night talks about anything & everything, it was never boring there was always something to talk about, you were such a sweet boy back then. Every conversation begun with a smile & it ended with big ass smiles . I had those never ending butterflies that killed my stomach cause I couldn’t handle it. I would always smile when I heard my phone ringing & it's you that's calling. Haww oh how I miss it, that night all I could do was cry only because now days we barley talk on the phone it's not like before, we don't even talk for hours & hours like before. Now days its either 10 mins or 30 mins. I didn't even know what to think at that moment. But things change, & you USED to be the sweetest boy I knew, now days idk. I miss it. -___-

I don't know why these type of things keep happening to me. Every time I take steps ahead, something knocks me down & it's so hard to get back up when your heart is so weak...

As much as I dont wanna live without you , I dont wanna get my hopes up cause what if in the future your walking out the door.....Im too stubborn honestly when it comes to relationships. I feel numb whenever something goes wrong, like a part of me wants to try &fight but the other part of me just wants to give up & walk away saying ” life moves on fuck it ” It sucks when your caught up in the middle of ” trying &walking away ” right. Well , I always find myself in that situaiton only cause I dont wanna be hurt, I refuse to let anyone hurt me. I try to show you emotions, but when I feel like it’s too much I go back to where I started. I try to give you the best of me, but when I feel like Im abouta get hurt Im quick to jump up. It’s not you that has the problem, its not you that I have a problem with. This, I will take full responsibility for cause it’s me that has the issue. My heart & my mind, arent bestfriends they dont always agree on the same things. &I apologize for that. I know I make things hard, but if Im going to be with someone I wanna atleast know that even through the hard times he’s going to be there cause if your the one walkin out when things get tough then you’ll prove to me that this is the reason why I am the way I am.

^___^

When we first met, I didn’t want to get involved with anyone. I didn’t have the time or energy, and I wasn’t sure that I was ready for it. But you were so good to me, and I got swept up in that. And little by little, I found myself falling in love with you.

Nicholas Sparks

I don’t give up easily. In fact, I never give up. But there’s only so much I can do and there’s only so much weight I can carry all by myself. When it comes to a relationship, any relationship, friendship, etc., if you don’t help me to carry that relationship, it’ll fall. I can’t do everything by myself. When a relationship fails, it’s not a coincidence or for no reason, it’s because one person gave up; I guess that’s why they say every relationship’s fate lies in the hands of the person who cares less.

I promise you its all gonna be worth it.

I know I’m a handful to handle, and I’m always complaining about this and that, and I’m always getting mad over little things. But one day all these bad habits will go away, and itll be worth it. Putting up with all these bullshit is hard, but I’m trying to cut down on it cause I know if I keep it up forever Imma lose you when you can't put up with me...

From tumblr.

If you just send one text or just call one time and give this whole “fuck this then, I’ma go to sleep” shit, then we’re obviously gonna feel like you’re NOT trying.

I like this.

Think about it, when she’s too much for you.. She just wants the best for you. Because to her YOU’RE the best. If you don’t like something, talk to her about it. You mean so much to her. Don’t just give up. Don’t just leave because you want the easy way out. Ya’ Dig?

I will learn my lesson, I will...I'll prove it to you lc ;(