Have you ever been inlove, inlove so bad .. you'd do anything just to get them to understand?

I know, you aren't that guy that I dreamed of. Not saying it in a bad way, but pretty much as straight forward as I can. I can say, you've given me more then I ever dreamed of . You might not be the guy who admits they are wrong. You'll never ever chase after a girl, regardless of what you did. You're never the first to say sorry, because you just feel like you did nothing wrong. You don't have all the sweet words to sweep me off my feet. You will speak your mind. You will make me work for you, because you feel that you're just in the same position as I am, we are no different and there are no expections. You ignore me, until I come running back to you. If I ever leave you, you have a way of showing you " dont give a fuck " . This probably, is no where close to what I wanted.Yes, it hurts that all of this happens , but you actually made me stronger. I'm looking at it through a different point of view, so I won't get hurt as much. I look at is as if you're teaching me how to deal & cope with hard times. You're toughen me up.. You might not notice how bad you affect me with the smallest things you do and say, but believe me I pay attention to every little thing you do. I learned that, even if someone loves you they will hurt you regardless. So if someone tells you " if you love someone , you don't hurt them " thats complete bullshit. Because, love hurts... like a bitch. I guess, it's really up to you to determine if they are worth the troubles or not.

Believe me, I know how it feels to be hurt by someone you love. To actually be let down so many times and pick yourself up hoping that everything will be better in a blink of an eye. Despite, all the shit he does to me and all the shit we go through together. I still find myself, very mad inlove with him and holding on with my life to a strand of thread just praying that this relationship would just work out.

I get it, I’m fully aware that we both did our share of dirt. Believe me, I know that I hurt you. I’m sorry, from the bottom of my heart I truly am. So there for inorder to show you I’m really sorry and I truly meant it. I wanted to prove it by changing. You know watching out the things I do. But.. I felt as if right when I changed to be the best towards you , thats when you started to differ you’re ways towards me. Yes, I’d admit to you that I do get hurt even when you least expect it. Even if, I don’t show how bad it hurts.. I’m probably hurting more then I can handle. Whenever, I talk to you I hold my breath , I tighten up my stomach whenever I feel a tear about to come down and I close my eyes wishing that right when I open it the pain will vanish. Look, I didn’t work this hard to get this far if I was only going to fuck up on you seconds later.. Trust me, I’d never waste my time and effort just to watch myself fuck things up. You bring out the best& craziest emotions out of me. I’m sorry , if I tend to say things out of pocket. You know whenever I’m pissed I speak out of my ass . All the words just roll out of my tongue .. I don’t meant to half of the time but it’s all that pain and anger getting built up and I don’t know which emotion to let out first. It breaks my heart to yell at you, to even be mad at you. I wish I could just keep my mouth closed no matter how bad you hurt me. But knowing the type of girl I am, I never will break and cave myself in for anyone not even for you. If I wanted to settle for the less , I would have stayed with one of my ex’s but that’s not the case. So, by all means if it’s not too much to ask for but please provide me with the same level respect I give to you. That’s all, I’d want..

For every time he destroys me . I feel like I can’t get back up. As sad as it is to say, I fell inlove with him and that’s always been my excuse of why I let him hurt me so much. I’m sure he doesn’t mean to let alone it’s never his intention to but he can’t even realize how bad it hurts . I guess you can say, I’m strong enough to put up with him and everything else that comes along . But , I’m weak cause I let him .

sometimes , you feel like your giving a 100% , sometimes you even believe it’s beyond 100%. But as soon as your partner says your doing something wrong , you start to question yourself ” Is it not enough? ” I mean you are will aware that you’ve been giving your all but maybe that person just doesn’t see the effort the way you do. it hurts when you know you’ve gone so far to prove something yet your getting the complete opposite response